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In 2020, I graduated from UITM Lendu, Melaka, with a diploma in business studies (insurance). I've always wished to further my education outside of UITM. The prospect of living a new life or encountering a new circumstance sounds both fascinating and terrifying. At first, I debated whether or not to continue my studies at UITM. The thought of facing it alone terrified me the most. Who doesn't ? Imagine the majority of your classmates completing their education at UITM with the exception of you. Isn't this to say that I won't have any friends in the future? I'm delighted I was able to persuade my best friend, Nurin Qistina (Qis), to go to the same university as me and risk our degrees being pursued at another public universities. I was terrified of the idea of making new acquaintances. What if I'm not able to make one? What if I find myself alone? The notion of having to restart my degree from the beginning concerned me the most. If I continue my studies at UITM ...

  Ikan Bakar is a grilled fish or other seafood dish popular in Indonesia, Malaysia, and most other Southeast Asian nations. In Malay, the phrase literally means "burned fish." Typically, the flesh is marinated before being grilled, with a banana leaf placed between the seafood and the hotplate. Squid and stingray are two common types of seafood other than fish. Ingredients : For blend: 2 red onions 4 cloves garlic 3-inch ginger 4  chilies 1 stick lemongrass Sambal paste: 1 tsp belacan 1 tsp salt 2 tbsp sugar 4 kafir lime leaves 4 tbsp oil Fish prep: 1 x whole sea bass/ikan Pari (about 1 kg to 1.5 kg) 4 kalamansi lime 4 tbsp.  vegetable oil 2 tbsp.  light soy sauce/liquid aminos (Substitute soy sauce with liquid aminos) 4 calamansi limes (garnish) Banana leaf (garnish) Instructions : Cook Paste :  In a pan, heat the coconut oil, then add the belacan, followed by the blended items. Stir cook for 3 to 4 minutes before seasoning with salt and sugar. Drizzle calaman...

The journey I've been on has been difficult; it's been mentally and emotionally draining. Your special day is wrecked, and a few days before that, you lose someone. Pretending that everything is fine is one thing; pretending that it never happened is a whole other. Maybe I assumed that having one last talk would be enough to put everything to end back then. But in that situation, the only thing I could do was remain silent and leave things hanging. Perhaps it is best not to say anything at all. The only thing that comes to me is that I should get rid of everything. What should I do? What can I say? When I'm forced to do something I don't want to do. What I'm supposed to do when all I can think about is " when did everything go wrong? " Why did everything backfire on me at the last minute when everything was going so well? What am I supposed to do? I have to respond to everything at once. The unexpected happens in the most unpleasant way possible. I've...

It's difficult to love myself. It's exhausting to realise my worth and appreciate myself more. I'm desperate to vanish. vanish into thin air. It's even nicer if I'm far away from everyone. For me, it's a battle between love and hatred, and hate always triumphs. I despise myself to the point of despising my existence. Everything was my fault, I thought. People despise me for no reason, even though I haven't done anything bad to them.  They suddenly became enraged with me. It hurts because it always comes from people who I care about.  The one I truly value and believe to be valuable to me, or the one with whom I have a good relationship.  All I can do is make everyone dislike and despise me. Isn't it true that if I hurt somebody, I'm the evil villain? I wish I had the power to make people unhate me.  I apologised. I knew I wasn't good enough, but I tried. Is it true that I'm a burden? Is it true that I'm that repulsive? What exactly am I d...

    I wrote this when I was twenty years old. Looking back at it now, it takes me to the precise time when I wrote it. That was when I was at my lowest. Seeing how far I've gone makes me quite proud of myself. Because I'm terrible at expressing myself vocally, the idea of writing such things came to me. I always feel better when I can express myself through writing or reading quotations or poems that are relevant to my sentiments. Growing up in a family that didn't show much care for each other, neither in words nor in acts, I suppose it's understandable why I struggled to communicate my sentiments or demonstrate affection through words.  This is the major reason why words of affirmation and reassurance are my primary love languages. Physical contact is my second love language, followed by quality time, because showing love through gestures is not even practiced in my home. If you're curious about your love language, you may find out by clicking the link below: http...

I blame myself for not being able to handle my problems. Nothing like this would happen if I were tough and mature enough. No one would be forced to listen to my rants every time. It's awful how I see all my friends attempting to comprehend my situation, even though they know deep down that they, too, are unsure of how to respond in my circumstance. This pain never went away; instead, it became more apparent as each day passed. I was very befuddled by this circumstance. I'm exhausted by the uncertainties that have crept into my thoughts. Is it the right option to keep my mouth shut and not make a fuss around others? As in, I'm more concerned with attempting to seem more mature than focusing on my own feelings. That's my favorite toxic trait: attempting to be normal despite the fact that I'm a mess on the inside. I'm trying to be patient, regardless of the fact that I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'm simply good at shutting myself off and letting my tro...