Hate > Love

It's difficult to love myself. It's exhausting to realise my worth and appreciate myself more. I'm desperate to vanish. vanish into thin air. It's even nicer if I'm far away from everyone. For me, it's a battle between love and hatred, and hate always triumphs. I despise myself to the point of despising my existence. Everything was my fault, I thought. People despise me for no reason, even though I haven't done anything bad to them. They suddenly became enraged with me. It hurts because it always comes from people who I care about. The one I truly value and believe to be valuable to me, or the one with whom I have a good relationship. All I can do is make everyone dislike and despise me. Isn't it true that if I hurt somebody, I'm the evil villain? I wish I had the power to make people unhate me. 

I apologised. I knew I wasn't good enough, but I tried.

Is it true that I'm a burden? Is it true that I'm that repulsive? What exactly am I doing wrong with them? Why do they despise me so much? When all I did was look after and adore them. Why have I been accused of being the evil guy, the story's villain, when I'm the one who has been hurt? So, why is that? I never say anything hurtful to them, and I never try to harm them on purpose. Even though the nasty words and gestures they hurled at me wounded and tore me apart, I remained silent. I didn't say terrible things to them or do something dumb just to make myself happy, no matter how furious or upset I was. Why do people continue to treat me this way when I try to be nice? Why do they seek to ruin my happiness when I haven't harmed or irritated them in any way? 

He is my main weakness. I'm torn apart by his absence.

How could they do that? They cause me to think about a lot of things. What exactly did I do? These days, my hatred for myself seems to be growing. How I wish this could be put to an end right now. That's how I'd like it to be...